I had a particularly schmoozie weekend with Mr. Fluvial which got me thinking about traditional anniversary gifts by year. You know…1st year paper, 2nd year…umm. See, this is why God invented Wikipedia. All hail the power of the internets!

As I looked over what they had listed as traditional gifts, I noticed that there were three columns per year: Traditional US, Traditional UK, and ‘Modern’. The Traditional lists had things like paper, cotton, tin, lace, etc. which I find endearing and the building blocks of a really creative gift (ie: for our first wedding anniversary, I’m not going to give Mr. Fluvial a ream of printer paper (although that would be super practical) but instead, I could riff off the paper theme and make a mobile for paper cranes for our meditation room). However, the ‘Modern’ list was full of really boring things like clocks (Year 1), fashion jewelry (Year 11), and, my personal favorite: groceries for Year 44. I can hear it now: “Mrs. Fluvial..thanks for 44 great years together. Let’s to go Fred Meyer and get us some artichokes. And maybe some oatmeal.

Whaa????

All of this seemed very silly so I was delighted to find a list that I could get behind: flowers by anniversary year. Behold:

Year Flower
1st Carnation
2nd Lily of the valley
3rd Sunflower
4th Hydrangea
5th Daisy
6th Calla
7th Freesia
8th Lilac
9th Bird of paradise
10th Daffodil
11th Tulip
12th Peony
13th Chrysanthemum
14th Dahlia
15th Rose
20th Aster
25th Iris
28th Orchid
30th Lily
40th Gladiolus
50th Yellow rose, violet

I would love to come home to a beautiful bouquet of flowers representing the years we’ve been together. It seems a lot better than…..groceries.

They claim to know what the founding fathers would say about our current state and have canonized them to such a degree that taking a deeper look into who they were as people and accepting that their thinking was grey, nuanced, and fraught with tension seems unthinkable if you want to be taken seriously in the political sphere. (and this isn’t all hyperbole…it’s a commonly accepted belief that the Constitution was divinely inspired.  That’s a scary thought because if you believe that…which version of God inspired it and who’s side is He on?)

She makes the compelling point that, for most people, the American Revolution is not a sexy thing to study and is often overlooked for more ‘exciting’ periods like the Civil War and the Cold War.  Therefore, a large number of people carry with them a 3rd grade idea of what happened when America became America.  The issue is dropped and settles into black/white compartments within us and we usually don’t question it further.  This is dangerous.  It pushes critical thinking aside and allows people to fall victim to the untrue and divisive rhetoric of history’s ‘false prophets’.

The interview is housed here:  http://kuow.org/program.php?id=25554

She wrote a more detailed opinion piece for the New Yorker and it can be found here: http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/atlarge/2011/01/17/110117crat_atlarge_lepore?currentPage=1

This got me thinking: who owns history?  I believe that the simple act of asking this question to students would do a lot of good.  The mere acknowledgement that history can be/is subjective would likely increase the amount of humility and civility in our discourse.  If we were fully able to sit with the fact that we do not really know what really happened in ‘the old times’ (or the reasons for the things we really do know happened)  perhaps that would make us more able to think of solutions to current problems collaboratively?  If no one ‘owned’ the American gospel and it was, rather, a working/living story that was owned by the Commons…wouldn’t we be more careful with our lore and the stories we tell?

So, Fluvial fans, I encourage you to do your own digging when it comes to the stories you’ve been told.  Be radical and don’t accept something just because someone told you so.  Because that is the stuff of a true revolution…American or otherwise.

But don’t listen to me…I’m just a lefty un-American mudslinger. 

This post should be prefaced by me saying that I have done complicated medical billing and coding and have worked closely with insurance companies.  I work in healthcare.  Put simply:  I’m not clueless.

And yet, even I get dooped on a fairly regular basis and for that, I put the blame on not only insurance companies but also providers.  (more on that in a minute)

Allow me to tell you a story about how I’m experiencing this first hand:  I was experiencing some intense tooth pain a few weeks ago so I went to see my denstist.  I was seen right away and had films and a flouride treatment.  The dentist examined me and I was on my way.  My tooth is now feeling much better thankyouverymuch.  My dentist, smartly on their part, requires payment at time of service and will file claims on your behalf once payment has been made.  The patient is reimbursed directly by the insurance company.  This protects them from being reimbursed less than was expected but puts the patients in a precarious position.  My dentist is one of the best and I’d never experienced insurance surprises in the past so I happily handed over my credit card grateful to be feeling relief from my toothache (and grateful for no cavities!)

Total cost for everything came to $210.  Imagine my shock when I opened an envelope from Washington Dental Service and found a check for only $40.  Really?!  $40??  There had to be a mistake.

I emailed my dental office and asked why there was a $170 discrepency between what I paid and what I received back citing that, according to my plan paperwork, I was entitled to 2 dental exams per year and was only responsible for 20% of additional costs above the exam and films.

The answer is astounding:  yes, my dental plan does cover 2 exams per year…ROUTINE exams.  The one I had was billed as an ‘emergency’ and WDS only covers up to $40 total for that.  Really?  Color me angry.

I expressed my discontent and asked that they refile the claim using the billing code for ‘routine’ since I was due for an exam anyway.  I was unaware that there was more than one billing code for the EXACT SAME SERVICE.

I went back and reviewed my plan paperwork to see if I’d missed the whole ‘emergency exam’ thing.  Nope.  I hadn’t because it wasn’t there.  So, even though I had read all my paperwork, the exception was no where listed so there was no way for me to know about it in the first place.  If I had known, I would have asked them to bill ‘routine’ in the first place.

And for this situation, I blame both the insurance company and my dental office.  Insurance company for not even putting the exception in their paperwork.  The dental office for not going that extra half step to inform me that they were not using their normal billing code for this visit BEFORE I got the exam.  Like I stated earlier, I work in healthcare and have done medical billing, coding, and financial counseling.  I have helped people in my situation (actually…before they even got in my situation) for much higher dollar amounts and I can’t tell you how wonderful it feels to see the gratitude in their eyes feeling like they have an advocate.  It doesn’t take a lot of time to research a patient’s benefits and let them know of abnormalities ahead of time and the returns in terms of customer loyalty are huge.  In fact, I believe that patients will be willing to pay more money out of pocket if they simply KNOW that they’re expected to.  The mere fact that you’re giving them a choice does a lot for loyalty.  So, any extra time you have to pay employees to research benefits pays itself back in spades.

We all know that providers are under a mountain of paperwork, have high patient volumes, and are generally overworked.  But we are all overworked.  And suddnely realizing that I’ve just unknowingly given $170 to the insurance companies does not sit well with me.

Insurance companies are beasts.  Their web of codes and exceptions will turn a sane man crazy.  I had another experience similar to this where I had an exam that was billed as ‘surgery’ when it wasn’t…at all.  It was the equivelant of a PAP smear and yet, it was billed as ‘surgery’ which, of course, was not covered by my insurance so I paid the whlole thing out of pocket.

All this merely fuels my fire for wanting to learn all I can about healthcare and eventually hold a high level admin position or find some other way to influence healthcare policy at a high level.  If we can put a man on the moon…we can give people important information about their health coverage ahead of time.

What about you?  Any horror stories?  Any stories with happy endings?

But I can’t talk about the comings and goings of the Fluvials without first posting some pictures from our Romanian wedding adventure.  Check this out…..

The whole Romanian wedding experience should have been filmed for a reality show or made in to a movie.  The things that happened could not have been scripted and while many many things went ‘wrong’, the pangs of anxiety and waves of nausea (thanks parasite!) have faded and my memories of the experience reside in the gorgeous pictures and hazy memories of the two weeks.   Mr. Fluvial and I joked that if we could survive our wedding, we could survive anything.

So now we are in the ‘surviving everything’ phase.  Honestly, I feel like I’m merely surviving in the school and sometimes work arenas.  This feeling is not very fun.

On the grad-school front, I’m really struggling with the time management issue.   I applied to school under very different conditions and those conditions are no longer in place (ie: my job taked 120% of my brain power) and I’m having a hard time fitting everything in.  New marriage, client work, firm work, school, personal time.  It’s hard to make it all work.

The job:  Mr. Fluvial and I were joking that I should apply to his firm and then it quickly turned non-joke and three interviews later, I was working for the same firm.  We are both consultants but he focuses more on technology and I’m in healthcare.  My first assignment is to own the intergration of a new standardized healthcare data management system with an existing EMR.  It’s mind blowing and humbling every day.  Little fish: giant pond.  The work is fulfilling but in that arena, I’m suffering from a bit of Imposter Syndrome.

This weekend, Mr. Fluvial and I are planning some much needed fun:  An electronic music concert in a cathedral on Friday night and a friend’s wedding on Saturday.

Fluvial Cat is cute and furry and keeps me sane.  I should be eating better.  I’d like to get more exercise than I currently do.  I’d like to get back into the whole dating life-coach thing.  So many things I’d like to do.  But where can I find the time?

Upon looking back, it’s amazing to me how much traditional weddings are NOT about the couple but instead are about various familiar entities merging together and going through rights of passage as a GROUP and, hopefully, emerging happier and more fulfilled because of it.  Out of our three weddings, I would say that our intimate legal ceremony was the most ‘us’.  We had only a handful of friends present, we were outside in one of our favorite spots, my best friend officiated, and we signed our papers on the back of a car.  Afterwards, we all went out for a delicious dessert at a schmancy restaurant and that was it.  Calm, quiet, reverent, and totally us.

That’s not to say that our other two weddings weren’t enjoyable but there was SO much pressure to make them perfect.  With all that money we were spending, I wanted it to be amazing and lovely.  Both were amazing and lovely but if I had one regret it would be not hiring a coordinator.  Things will inevitably go wrong and when they do, it’s best to pay someone who’s NOT in your family to take care of it so everyone else can enjoy the day.  Please, spare yourself wedding day heartache and hire a planner.

Our third wedding, in Romania, was more of a cultural exercise rather than a wedding for us.  Mr. Fluvial and I had no idea what was going to happen and had nearly zero say in the whole shebang which, upon hearing that, most people say ‘Wow! That sounds great!  I wish my wedding was like that!’ but when you must travel to a foreign country, don’t speak the language, and have multiple friends and family all of whom have made the journey with a certain set of expectations…this can be stressful.  My personal experience was marred by the fact that I picked up a parasite and was ridiculously ill for the second portion of the trip (picture this:  the vomiting started AT the wedding…projectile vomit and wedding dresses are an unlikely combo but I made it work and no one was the wiser).  I’m still recovering from the parasite but am on the mend and WOW the pictures look amazing!!!  Here are a few pictures from our three weddings:

Private legal ceremony.

May wedding in Seattle.

My Big Fat Hungarian Wedding.

Each wedding had their own amazing elements to them.  The private ceremony was wonderful because there was no pressure.  I was marrying the love of my life and could say everything I wanted to say without thinking about religious convention or offending anyone.  The May wedding was wonderful in that it was the wedding that I’d always wanted to plan.  I mean, who wouldn’t want to have a giant party with all their friends in fancy clothes where you get to plan every detail?  That wasn’t sarcastic.  I actually wanted to do that.  The Romania wedding was an entirely different beast.  It was amazing to experience a wedding culture different than your own AS THE BRIDE.  The ceremony took place in an old church and, given my background, it was nice to finally have our union grounded in the tradition I was familiar with.  It felt respectful and I love every minute of it (even saying my vows in Hungarian!).

Now that the chaos is over and my dresses are safely tucked away in a closet, I decided that my life was too serene and so I started grad school about a month ago!  Yes, I was taking the GRE, writing entrance essays, and making my way through the maze of applications all while planning weddings.  I am crazy.  I started my MBA in Health Leadership about a month and so far, so good.  I’m looking forward to hard skills being taught and a little less of the touchy-feely introspection but I’ve been told to ‘trust the process’ and so I’m doing just that.  Personally, I prefer ‘Don’t fight the tiger’ but whatever mantra works.

In other change up news, I accepted a position as a consultant with the same firm as Mr. Fluvial!  There’s a whole other post about this so I’ll save my thoughts for later.

That’s it for now but I’ll have more soon.  Farewell.

Today, we all leave for a little town about 2 hours outside of Brasov, Romania.  I never thought a 2 hour bus ride with both sets of parents, a smattering of friends, and my Hungarian in-laws would ever happen and it should be interesting for sure.  Tomorrow, Mr. Fluvial and I meet with the pastor and I am to look doe eyed and just say ‘Igen!’ whenever Mr. Fluvial tells me to. I’d really like to know what vows I’m making on Friday.  Again, I gotta let it go.

While this trip hasn’t been relaxing, it’s been interesting beyond words to see so many different people interact with one another.  Seeing my dad and step mom see Europe has been a gift.  My dad’s famous line when I’d ask him if he ever wanted to travel, was ‘Why would I want to go to Spain when I haven’t even been to Montana?’  Well, I think this trip has shown him what it’s all about.

Mr. Fluvial and I are craving alone time.  We need a honeymoon after all of this!!

IF YOUR NAME IS MR. FLUVIAL…READ NO FURTHER!!!!!

And this is my favorite: my cousin suggesting I use staples to attach the veil to my head.

These are the words I would use to describe the Seattle summer this year and through it all, it’s been a bit challenging to stay in the light. (so to speak)

It should be said that I don’t really mind the grey too terribly much (if I did, I’d have moved from here long long ago) and it could be argued that the weather helps us deal with the slog of sad that we sometimes push away.  I’ve always been an admittedly moody person but I don’t mind too much because I FEEL.  I feel things really strongly.  Sometimes the feelings are overwhelming and I need to fight to be neutral.  For me, being neutral is a victory because it’s the absence of intensity and that, Fluvial Fans, is a good thing sometimes.  My poor body can’t take it sometimes!

I’ve been rather neutral over the past week or so.  There’s been some emotional things going down and I cried hard off and on for about4 hours.  After that, I resigned myself to the fight towards neutrality.  The way I kept in touch with what I was feeling, without sorting through my own feelings, was by listening to moody moody music.  Namely Death Cab.  This particular song totally hits me.  Not necessarily because of the lyrics but because of the musical tension between notes and the sincerity of his voice.  Sometimes Ben Gibbard is the only person who REALLY UNDERSTANDS!!! (says the girl in the moody emo tone)  (also, Ben is from WA…grey skies = useful!)

So, enjoy the music.  Fire up the heat.  Put on a fire.  It is July after all. 

(note:  I could only find a live version on YouTube.  All the official videos are blocked in the US for some reason)

And on that note, there’s a video I’ve been wanting to post for a while.  For me, the most meaningful parts of the wedding (aside from the vows, of course!) were the toasts.  Who knew that the men in my life could be so sentimental?!  Seriously, I was so blown away by the toasts of my step dad, father in law, and my own dad.

When our MC, my cousin KC, opened up the floor for anyone to make a toast, I panicked.  No one wants to hear Drunk Uncle Phil (I don’t have a Drunk Uncle Phil but you get the idea) get up there and wax on for 20 minutes about his own miserable search for love and have it rounded out with ‘But you kids are gonna make it!’.   However, my panic ended when I saw my former housemate walk up calm, cool, collected and on a mission.  Scotto is a man of very few words but those words usually make you fall on the floor in tears (pain? joy?  Hard to tell sometimes)  He is the master of the non sequitur and living with him and his wife (MOH!) filled my life with enough humor to last a lifetime.  No really, their jokes are still funny to me all these years later.

Anyway, this has got to be one of the best wedding toasts I’ve ever seen and I wanted to share.  Enjoy!

This past Saturday evening, Mr. Fluvial and I went to the birthday party of a dear friend of mine/ours.  Let me tell you, this person is awesome.  Her charm, whit, and ability to say the most mundane things in the most extraordinary way continually astound me and I am in awe.   It was at this party that I had my first Fluvial celebrity moment.  Someone recognized my picture from the homepage (hi RJ!) and after we tried to find a connection for how he stumbled across this here blog o’ mine, we were stumped and chocked it up to random chance.  Still though, it felt pretty great to hear someone say ‘Hey!  I read your blog!  Fluvial, right?  And you must be Mr. Fluvial!’ 

I also proceeded to shock and mildly terrify Mr. Fluvial.  You see, this friend had a reverse gift exchange wherein she wrapped old stuff she no longer needed or was using, gave a present to each person, and then we opened the gifts one by one.  If someone felt that the universe was telling them the freshly opened gifts belonged in their possession, the gift unwrapper made their day and handed over the goods.  There were items ranging from shop towels to brand new sewing machines and everything was loved and found a home.  I, however left with these bad boys:

Loot.

Yes, boys and girls, those are Hello Kitty band aids and a Saddam Hussein tshirt.  How did I come to possess these?  Well, it all started with the Hello Kitty band aids. Those were unwrapped and me, being me, I let out an involuntary yipe and threw both hands in the air.  They were quickly passed to me.  However, a few gifts later, someone opened the tshirt and seemed a little weirded out by it.  Fluvial saw opportunity.  This shirt is actually a Big Lebowski reference.  Can anyone tell me how?  Hint: I plan to wear it bowling.  So, I traded in my Hello Kitty band aids for the tshirt, figuring that I could go to the store and buy the band aids but this shirt was just bizarre enough to be one of a kind that it needed to be mine.  Offensive?  Of course.  But anyone who knows me will be able to see the irony with which I wear it…bowling.  (I had to explain that Mr. Fluvial though)  Once everything was over, the band aids were still homeless, as was a garden statue in the shape of a cat, so those also became mine by default.

I really liked the idea of the reverse gift exchange and Mr. Fluvial and I are planning one of our own.  Getting married means people send you new house stuff so we’re in the process of going through ALL our stuff and purging the duplicates or things we really don’t need.  Do we really need a knife set that I bought at the Flagstaff Ross 8 years ago?  No.  But someone else might so I’m going to let the universe be abundant for someone else.

And now, for something completely different……

I had a really big interview today.   Like, really big.  Future deciding big.  I think it went well but I’m not going to jinx myself by saying more.  So instead, I’ll post the music that I used to pump me up for the big show.  Behold:

-and-

It’s like Arcade Fire, Shins, and Decembrists except…happy!  I like all those bands in theory but they are a little too elitist and I can only handle them in small doses.  (Ok fine, I can’t stand the Decembrists although they do give a very fantastic live show)

And just to pull things to a close, here’s a picture of me and Mr. Fluvial during our Vegas honeymoon.  Lots of stories there but that’s for another time….

Enjoy!